Do you remember our first camping trip? How could you not? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You should be proud in the first place that you got me to camp. Me, the girl of pink and bows and hot showers and down pillows, sleeping on the ground in a tent!I remember how you asked me if I would camp with you. You were uncharacteristically quiet. You started by telling me how you loved a campsite in New Hampshire that had a lake that was cleaned all the time so I wouldn't have to be scared of the fish. Then you asked me what I was doing that weekend. Then you asked if I would go.
We checked into the campsite and I immediately took note of the signs everywhere warning of bears. "Babe, come read this," I shouted as you were unpacking the car. You just laughed. I knew you were too stubborn to believe that a bear would mess with you and I gave up on you coming to read the sign. Instead, I read the sign to you.
WARNING - BEARS
What to Do In Case of A Bear Sighting:
Speak in LOUD VOICES and slowly back away. DO NOT RUN.
NO FOOD IN TENTS.
The day was hot and we drank beers by the beach listening to the children of the other campsites play and splash. We held hands the entire time, separating only when a bathroom break or new beer was needed. We hardly talked but I remember specifically noting how much deeper I was falling in love with you. This will never end, I remember thinking. Your eyes were closed when I had that thought and I traced your face slowly with the edge of my fingertips, startling you. You almost fell off your beach chair and I laughed until my stomach hurt.
That night we sat by the fire at our campsite and talked about our dreams for the future. Buying a house was at the top of our list. You were afraid of the commitment. You were afraid of losing it somehow. You were afraid that it was too big of a dream. You had never dreamed of things like that, you said. Before me, you never thought of things like buying a house or getting married or having children. You said I changed that. You said I changed you. I told you that you I had never imagined having a relationship or a marriage that could last. I never imagined feeling beautiful in my own skin. I never imagined feeling so loved, so protected. You changed that. You changed me.
We went to sleep long after the rest of the campground did. Our fire was the last to be put out. We both fell asleep quickly in each others arms, in the sleeping bag. I awoke to crunching outside the tent. And snorting. Something big was out there. And it was eating all our food. I shook you so hard and you didn't wake up. You were always such a sound sleeper. I pinched you as hard as I could and you woke up with a start. I put my finger over your lips and whispered fiercely, "Beeeeeaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
You sat up and nervously whispered if I remembered what the sign had suggested we do. I told you if it came any closer I was going to MacGyver it and slit a hole in the back of the tent and back out slowly and get to the car. You laughed and snorted. We were supposed to be quiet. I almost peed my pants. After a few minutes of listening and me crying, you decided that sleep was more important than fear and you quickly fell back to sleep. I hid under the covers with my head burrowed in your nook and tried to sleep. After awhile the noises outside the tent stopped.
In the morning, we emerged from our tent to find that every piece of food had been eaten. Except your spicy Fritos. You were so proud. "Bears don't like spice!" you exclaimed as if that was why you bought them. A person came over from the campsite across from ours. "That was the biggest raccoon I've ever seen!!"
A raccoon? You and I just looked at each other and burst out laughing. I called my sister, ready to go home, convinced it had been a bear. You begged me to stay and I relented. I'm so glad I did because we drove to the Saco river and brought the cooler. You helped me down the hill and then we climbed over rocks until we perched upon a boulder in the middle of the river.
We spent the day there. Some time was spent talking. Some time was spent splashing in the water that pooled around the rocks. The sun was so bright that we looked like we were shining. And maybe we were, from the inside out. There was no talk of responsibilities or work or bills or anything that wasn't pleasant. We were all about joy that day. We were young and in love and so very, very content. I thought my heart would burst. If I close my eyes now, I can still smell the air that day and hear the water splash against the rocks. I can still feel my heart almost bursting.
These are the memories that are getting me through. These are the things that matter. This is what life is; what love is.
I'll never forget.
Love,
Amanda
No comments:
Post a Comment