Why Now??

I've been asking myself that question all afternoon. Why now? What is different about this time? I guess I should start at the beginning for all the legions of people reading who haven't always known me.

In my 30 years of life, I have always been at least a little overweight.  Chubby thighs and roly poly tummies are cute when you are three, but not when you add a "0" after that 3.

Chunky legs are only okay when you are small enough to get picked up.

I was always self conscious about my weight. There are only so many compliments you can get on your "pretty face" before you wish that everyone would shut their pretty faces up. As I got older, my weight slowly rose, but so did my confidence. I began to separate between looks and personality. I met my husband, who always has made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

I've gone on pilgrimages to find the elusive size 6 many times. Many, many times. Sometimes on a whim. Sometimes meticulously planned. I've even had success. But it never lasted. I always regressed and abandoned the search for skinny. I've been pretty consistent with the start and stop of the next great diet. Things didn't start to change until Tom and I decided that we wanted to start a family.

By the time I was in my mid-twenties I was only getting my period three to four times a year but I never thought much about it. I actually felt pretty lucky that I didn't have to deal with all the bitching and whining and bloating. When Tom and I started getting googly eyes every time we saw babies, we quickly got aboard the TTC (Trying to Conceive) train. Toot! Toot! I thought it would be fun and we would be registering at Babies R Us in no time.

A few months later - no positive test. That was fine. I knew it could take a healthy couple a year to conceive. But the fact that I wasn't getting my period could only mean that I wasn't ovulating. I made an appointment with my doctor and went in to see her.

After the usual fun convo and exam, I started telling my doctor about trying for a family and my irregular periods. She suggested bloodwork and an ultrasound. Results came in. PCOS.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

In really basic terms, PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) is a hormone disorder that makes my ovaries all pissed off and nothing happens. No ovulation = no behbeh. After a little more testing, I was referred to a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist). We discussed our options. We're trying Clomid. We also agreed that I need to drop fifty pounds before we try further treatment, including IUI or IVF if needed.

So that is the answer to Why Now? Because my husband and I want babies more than anything and I have to get healthier to make it a reality. Why now? Because when I do have babies, I want to be ready to show them the world. Why now? Because it's time.

So here I am now. This is my starting point. I hope you join me in my journey.